So, after a really bad night on Christmas Eve because of all the stress from family, and other personal things culminating I decided something. Instead of focusing on everything bad that was happening and what was lacking I started thinking about what I was grateful for. Despite how bad and stressed out I’ve felt all week I felt better because I realized there still are some good things in my life.
Like the members of my family that aren’t causing drama, like my parents and my grandmothers. I’m really excited to be going to Sussex, especially tomorrow because I feel closest sometimes to my father’s side of the family there. The friends I’m living with right now that I’m reconnecting with after being away for four years of college are still there. Also the friends I made when I was away that have helped me through a lot also.
The fact that I am alive, that I have a healthy body even if there are a few things that still need fixing. I know I’ve put it through a lot. I lost 100lbs in the space of a year, battled with an eating disorder, and almost died from alcohol poisoning. Yet here I am still alive typing this while I wait for more of my family to come over to visit.
I think from now on I’m going to work on remembering these things and not allow those things that were bothering me to continue to. I’m not going to allow anyone or thing to make me feel like I’m not good enough, or make me upset. I’m not giving anyone that power anymore. Now that I’m feeling better I hope everyone is having a good holiday, and you got everything I wanted.